Monday, March 3, 2014

I needed that job like a hole in my head(ache)

I've survived a week at my new job and two things standout:

1) I don't want to quit yet (I wanted to quit the first week at my old job)
2) My head hasn't bothered me in days

Now that's probably not 100% accurate. I do have episodes now and again. I went for a run on Sunday and I was fine for the first 15 minutes but when I had to turn around and run back and I could kind of feel it in my head. I thought about walking back but decided to run anyway. And then I sat in the car and drank my recovery drink until my legs started working again and drove home and completely forgot about it.

Two weeks ago, if I went for a run, it would take me a day or two to recover enough that I was ready to exercise again. But this time it was just a little twitch.

I supposed it could be a coincidence. Or maybe I have just turned the corner finally after 2.5 years. Or the 75 mg of Topamax is enough now when 50 mg wasn't.

But I can't help but think that having a job that doesn't give me death in my soul is the key.

Which makes me wonder if maybe I could have recovered faster if I had gotten a better job much earlier. Of course it's easy to say that now. But back when I was working for PG&E, as much as I knew it wasn't the right place for me, the project was a good opportunity and I wanted to finish it. I also liked my peers. Plus the economy was bad when I started so great jobs weren't plentiful.

Then my old new job was supposed to be this wonderful opportunity and there really wasn't any way to know it wouldn't be until I got there. Then I had to decide if I was going to bail or stick it out. I decided to stick it out and that was my mistake. Other people had joined that place and left within days and I should have done the same.

I have a tendency to try to make things work beyond when I should leave, because I don't want to be a quitter and sometimes it hurts me and it definitely hurt me this time.

However it's all working out now and that's what matters.
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