Okay, I knew it, but after I hit my head and had to stop working out, I felt kind of helpless to stop eating. I felt so hungry! And then I gained 5 pounds in a few weeks and I knew I had to cut it out.
I should probably start at the beginning. Which is either back in September or October depending on how you define "beginning."
I spent most of September recovering from my Ironman. And refeeding. I had gotten rather thin right before the race and for the month after I was extra hungry and ate a lot but I wasn't gaining like crazy and I didn't feel out of control.
No, that happened in October.
At that point a few things were going on which resulted in me deciding that a race I was going to put on wouldn't happen this year so the 75 Erin Baker Breakfast Cookies I'd ordered for the goodie bags weren't going to be used and neither were the several bags of Erin Baker Granola I'd ordered for prizes. We started eating them at home and I started going nuts. I was eating nothing but Breakfast Cookies and Granola with Soy "milk" 2, 3, 4, even 5 times a day! Not only was this a lot of calories but it was mostly sugar and about half the protein I normally consume.
Now at this point my weight wasn't going up dramatically, probably because I was running all the time. Plus it was "Fat Free Talk" week and I had made a pledge not to engage in Fat Talk all month. So I didn't want to post a lot of whiny talk on my blog about being three pounds over where I wanted to be and how horrible I was because I had just eaten granola.
But I knew I was out of control and that feeling is more important to me than what my actual weight is on the scale.
At some point, it just stopped though. I'm not sure what the cause was but it's like switched turned off in my brain and I wasn't going crazy eating stuff daily that I really only wanted to eat as an occasional treat.
In fact, I ended up having to order another $300 worth of Erin Baker products (because they were out of the bags I was going to use as goodie bags and my gift certificate was expiring). I was planning to give them away to a food bank but Mr. Mac said he liked the breakfast cookies and Mini-Mac liked one of the flavors of granola so I left them in the cupboard and an amazing things happened.
I stopped feeling compelled to eat them. In fact, I haven't had a breakfast cookie in over a week and it's been even longer since I had some granola. Most of the time I forget they are even there. There's a single serving of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia in the garage fridge as well and every time I think about eating it, I go "eh" and don't. So food is back to being fuel for me most of the time. Thank goodness!
I also started working and with work came more structure and that helped a lot with my eating habits. In fact, the first day of work, I found myself logging on to My Fitness Pal and logging my food even without thinking much about it. I'd thought about logging my food again before, when I felt out of control, but it seemed like such a major pain. But when I'm working, it's a nice break and not a pain at all.
So it's all good right?
Well no. It's better but I'm still not where I need to be.
When I started logging my food, I realized I was still eating every day as if I was training for a marathon. I was logging 500-1000 calories a day more than I was burning! No wonder I gained so much weight in such a short amount of time.
As a result of going back to work and also logging my food, I made some discoveries:
- I am a boredom eater.
- I don't drink enough if left to my own devices
- My appetite didn't reset itself when I cut out exercise
- A lot of eating is based on habit, not listening to the body