Saturday, September 24, 2011

An auspicious day

Today is the 20th anniversary of the release of Nirvana's Nevermind album and also the three year anniversary of my surgery.

Last year I was kind of "eh" about the whole "surgiversary" thing. I was doing what I always did and having the results I always did. There really didn't seem to be anything to say. But I'm more excited this year for some reason. (Which very well be the whole Nirvana thing -- every where I got people are talking about it and the Nevermind album has good memories for me.)

There have been a lot of changes this year. I no longer log everything I eat. I still log all my exercise, but only to keep track of improvements and to adjust my training for big events. I just eat when I'm hungry, stop when I feel satisfied and try to eat healthy most of the time.

This has resulted in stable weight. I was 124 today which is a typical weight a few weeks into the off-season. I expect to lean out again as I get deeper into my training for the Goofy Challenge. (I'm not back to 2 hour runs yet.) My normal weight is 119-122 and has been for quite some time. I may put on more muscle this winter and go up again, but I suspect not.

I still plan to do heavy strength training but I think I'm at the point where I'll get stronger without getting more muscle tissue.

I did my measurements and reported on them a few weeks ago so I won't repeat that here. The only thing I have to add to that is that when I lay down and my loose skin falls to the side, I can see that I am thinner pretty much everywhere. My measurements don't all reflect that so I have to attribute that to loose skin. I definitely have more of it than I used to (based on my pictures) and I'm not happy about that.

As a result, I've decided to get plastic surgery when my car is paid off -- so about three years from now. I've been waffling about it since I got to goal but now I'm firm in my decision. I need this stuff cut off not just for psychological reasons, but also because it gets in the way when I bike.

I also am going to get my body fat percentage tested in the near future. I want to make sure I'm not fooling myself as to whether I have fat I can lose. It seems like I don't and I'm as thin as I want to be, but I still want some outside objective confirmation.

To "celebrate" my surgiversary, I did the "Cottage Cheese Test" this morning. I was able to get in 5.75 oz of cottage cheese before stuff started to hurt. I might have been able to get in 6 oz. if I pushed it, but I was not feeling it. I could tell as soon as I started that it was going to be a "tight sleeve" day. So it seems like my capacity is holding steady in the 5.5-6.5 oz range.

I also drove down to Santa Cruz to pick up my race packet for my last triathlon of the season. I'm only doing the AquaBike but it should be fun. Except for the "getting up at the crack of dawn to get to Santa Cruz on time" part.

The other big difference this year is that I really feel much more like a normal person than a bariatric patient. I had the experience back in May of going to a bariatric conference. It was fun to see my friends, but constantly all weekend I had this weird feeling of not belonging. My concerns didn't seem to be the concerns of the people there. I felt like a stranger in a strange land.

I feel much more at home with my triathlon peeps. I definitely feel like I've crossed over into the "this is my life" side of things. Everything isn't about the surgery any more. I know relapse is still possible, but I have a lot more trust in the process and in my body. I do think this surgery has fixed my homeostatic system (i.e,. I'm cured) rather than that I'm in remission from obesity and it could come back at any time.

I never thought I'd think that. I used to be so afraid of regain, and I swore I'd never forget where I came from or that it could still happen, but now I'm in a place where I realize it's possible, but I don't see it lurking around every corner stalking me.
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