Sunday, September 6, 2009
I like my body
I can't believe I'm typing this, let alone thinking it.
But lately I've been seeing pictures of myself or catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror or a store window and not hating what I see.
Sure, I'm much more likely to notice when my arm skin is all wrinkly or my hair is poofing out funny. And those things happen a lot. But sometimes I'm actually pretty hot. Um, for a 50-something who's had two kids, anyway. Plus, I've gotten very lean and I've always admired that kind of body.
Of course, this is with clothes on. That kind of goes without saying when you've lost 110+ pounds and your skin hasn't had time to catch up.
But, up until recently, I've been disappointed in my pictures. I've lost all this weight and all I could see was the imperfections. The droopy skin, the bulldog wrinkles in my face, the elephant wrinkles around my elbows and knees ... and, of course, fat pockets.
At times, I did worry that I might get anorexic. Losing weight is definitely a thrill and often more fun than trying to maintain a loss. Plus, for a while there, it seemed like, no matter how much I lost, I still had more to lose -- or thought I did. Of course, those times were offset by the times I was in a panic that I'd lost too much and was getting too scrawny. But I'd seesaw back and forth with very little time spent in the middle.
However, right now, today, at this moment: I feel perfect.
I decided to write it down, so I can remind myself of this feeling the next time I see a less than flattering photo of myself or start obsessing about my arm wrinkles.