Monday, August 4, 2008

Good lord, I'm fat!

I am a person who thinks of myself as thin, even when I'm not. I look in the mirror and I minimize my weight and concentrate on the awesome stuff -- look at those knockers! or what a great haircut!

Now, it's not that I don't know I'm fat. I am reminded that I’m fat at least once every day. It's more that I've managed to convince myself that I'm not that fat. I have convinced myself that I haven't crossed any invisible line and gone over to the side of "I maybe be overweight, but I'll never get that fat." Even though I have.

Every once in a while something happens to jolt me out of my pleasant fantasy though. Usually it's a photograph. I see how big I am and it's like someone sucker punched me. Of course, the camera does put on 20 lb. right? So maybe I really don’t look that bad. See how it easy it is to talk myself back to my own reality?

Well last night I had one of those moments. Only it wasn't something I could talk myself out of. You see, I took my measurements. And the tape measure doesn't lie. I am fat. Very, very fat. Much bigger than I thought I was.

And here I was thinking I should have taken them twenty pounds ago because now it won't be a true picture of my weight loss journey and blah, blah, blah. Now I'm thinking, thank goodness I didn't take them back then because then they'd be EVEN BIGGER. I’m not sure I could take that, to be honest.

Anyway, here are the damages:

Chest 43"
Bust 48"
Waist 41"
Hips 51"
Stomach 53"
Thigh 25" - right; 24" left
Calf 16 - right; 16.5" left
Arm 15 right; 14" left

Also, based on my wrist measurements, I have a large frame. But my wrist used to be at least an inch smaller so I am disinclined to believe that. Maybe it's part of my "I'm not big" delusions, but I've heard before that the wrist method isn't accurate for the morbidly obese and I used to come out right on the cutoff between small and medium back when I was merely overweight.

I decided not to put my measurements in the stat box on the right because there are too many of them, but I may post updates from time to time for people who think that's interesting. Hopefully next time it might not be so much of a shock.
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